Top Fernando Torres Jokes

Those of you who know me, know that I absolutely cannot stand Fernando Torres, why you ask? Well let me give you a few reasons, He scored the winner against Germany in the 2008 Euro Final, beating us, he was a part of the Spanish squat that beat us in the 2010 world cup, before he finally cut his hair he looked like a 15 year old girl, and not a pretty one if I may add, the sort that sneaks out at night and puts make up on to go to clubs where she meets guys in their 30's who "really Love her" and last but not least, even though he makes millions each year he seems to have never heard of soap or any sort of facial wash in his live, I mean the guys face looks greasier then that piece of cloth your mechanic uses, you know what I'm talking about.

So I was delighted when he finally decided to do us all a big favor and move from Liverpool to Chelsea, it seemed appropriate because I love Liverpool and now I could finally support all of its players and not cheer for 10 men on the field each week and I hate Chelsea, so needless to say he fitted right in, or you would think, because it seems to our spanish drag queen has forgotten his trade, which as I would assume is to score goals.

Luckily this has sparked some great jokes, here are a few of my favorites, for you to enjoy:

Worried about her son, Torres's mum sends him to a careers adviser. All goes well until he asks: 'What are your goals?'

Worried about her son, Torres's mum sends him to a careers adviser. All goes well until he asks: 'What are your goals?'

Fernando Torres walks into a bar and says: "I'll have a couple of shots please." The barman says: "That's not like you."

I'm going out tonight dressed as Fernando Torres. I'm not planning to score.

Ceasefire in Libya, specialist Fernando Torres sent in to make sure no more shots are fired.

My girlfriend is a huge chelsea fan, so i got her a blank DVD Titled "Fernando Torres, Chelsea goals"

Q - What is the difference between Fernando Torres and the beachball at the Stadium of Light?
A - The beachball found the back of the net first.

And my personal favourite sent to me by one of the authors of this blog late one night:

I had what we call a "Fernando Torres Night" tonight, It was fucking expensive, had a lot of shots and didn't even manage to score.

Hope you enjoyed if you have anymore that you think are great, feel free to leave them in the comment box below